Today’s Focus: Is anger your friend?

There’s a time and a place

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“That’s My Secret, Captain: I’m Always Angry”

Fans of The Avengers movies will recognize this quote (you can see it on YouTube if you’re not familiar): Bruce Banner’s character is always angry, that’s how he doesn’t turn into the Hulk.

While you might not Hulk up when you get angry, you can be a destructive force to those around you. Anger and outbursts, depending on how severe (and, depending on the other person) could range from a “what a jerk” to someone being in the fetal position (or worse).

Anger is happening in the workplace: every week it’s estimated that around 19% of employees feel raw and very real anger towards their co-workers (according to data from the latest American Psychological Association – 2023 Work in America report). In another data set, around 65% of office workers have experienced office rage, and 45% of staff regularly lose their tempers at work say statistics for National Anger Awareness Week.

Where does anger come from? According to mental health charity, Mind, it depends on context:

How and when you feel angry, and how you react to anger, can depend on lots of factors in your life, including your:

Whether your anger is about something that happened in the past or something happening now, thinking about how and why we interpret and react to situations can help.

Having awareness of your past, your past trauma and the challenges that may bring about a response from you can be helpful to equip you in preparation.

Our brains are associative and tie together memories, feelings, and experiences that relate to each other, says Tanya Fruehauf, a therapist based in Vancouver. Imagine, for example, that something causes you to feel embarrassed or ashamed at work, and you have a disproportionate reaction—maybe crying hysterically or erupting in anger. Source

I’ve personally had people store “ammo” for later, and pull it out in a conversation: you probably have, too.

In some cases, I didn’t have a clue that there was even a problem in the first place. The psychology of someone that is willing to be scared of being brave, and having the conversation in a timely fashion, should be well examined. That’s probably not a place where you want to stay long-term, especially if this is a person in a position of power. If you’re feeling anger often, or, you’re bearing the brunt of anger often, please pay attention: there is a real world issue with mental health these days (and it could be life and death).

Is all anger bad?

Of course not! Anger can help us survive, motivate us, can give us a sense of control, can increase cooperation, or can even help us find a deeper sense of self, among other benefits.

The turning point?

When we unleash our anger on others that are undeserving of our rage. When they bare the brunt of our stress, unresolved issues, or whatever has trigged us, we have failed. That doesn’t mean you are a FAILURE, but, if your anger rules your life, it suggests that you need help.

Where are you directing your anger? Is the destination of your anger the right one(s)?

Getting equipped to be resilient, to be mentally tough, and to have empathy, patience and compassion for yourself AND others in a moment of anger is something we all need: right, Bruce? Or, are you always angry?